K+10

We have arrived at the 10th anniversary of Katrina.   After this much time has passed, I find myself at a loss for words.   But I found a short unfinished poem I wrote right after Katrina and decided to finish it.  I thought it appropriate to share it at this milestone.   As I sit here sipping on my signature margarita, the Katrinarita, I am sobered by and in awe of the incredible force of mother nature. But, more awesome in it's power is the resiliency of the human spirit.  We didn't just survive Katrina, we rose up, recovered, restored and thrived.    Never forget.

Surreal it seems,
it's but a dream,
from which I soon 
will wake.

Any day I'll find
my home is mine,
not scattered
beyond my reach.

But from the ruin
a new strength comes
from somewhere
deep inside.

It brings the will
not just to survive,
But to rise and
then to thrive.

I write this blog to remind me of the lessons I took from Katrina.    Possessions can be replaced and in the grand scheme are unimportant.  He who has the most toys does not win.   The love and loyalty of family and true friends is eternal and even in the ebb and flow of life, on this we can always count.   In our journey we are shaped by the people and events we encounter and sometimes, in tragedy, we are made whole.

Peace :-)

Copyright TLP 2015

 

The New Orleans Saints and the WhoDat Nation:  Why it matters to us!

Last weekend while watching the Saints play the Philadelphia Eagles in a wildcard road playoff game, I was taken aback by the number of people from this area pulling for the Eagles.  Not because they liked the Eagles particularly, but they just wanted to see the Saints lose. When I pressed for a reason, there was nothing concrete but they were sick of hearing about the Saints and the WhoDat nation.   Now having been a Saints fan for a really long time, I really don't get that because the majority of fans are not obnoxious.  We are long standing and long suffering fans who have been there pulling for our team even during the days of the paper bag.  We didn't stop supporting them even though they  were not a good team for a really long time.  They had their moments and often had great players but never seemed to be able to put together the whole package.   That all changed and when it did, the Saints pulled off something that the faithful knew one day would happen.   They won the Superbowl.

Although winning a Superbowl is old hat for some teams and for some fans, what I don't think they realize about the Saints and their Superbowl win was just how monumental that was, especially because of the timing.   In 2005, New Orleans and the Gulf Coast region was devastated by Hurricane Katrina.  Many lives were lost and with a mass exodus of the population away from the devastated area, a community became fractured.  It seemed like there wasn't anything that would put it back together but   when the Saints returned to the Superdome for their first home game after Katrina, they brought back a sense of hope to this shattered area and breathed life back into the city and the community.   This community, this WhoDat nation, became united, not just in the promise of a winning team, but in the promise that we could overcome the devastation of Katrina.    We were able to immerse ourselves in watching them play while we took time to heal the wounds and rebuild.  It allowed us to escape for a few hours every Sunday from the ruin and loss that we were all reeling from.   As each year post-Katrina passed, the Saints continued to give us hope and a dream; a dream that a realistic run for the Superbowl was coming.    And when the Saints delivered that with a win at Superbowl XLIV, the WhoDat nation, this community of Saints fans healed.  Maybe we didn't heal completely, but we healed   Because in the years during the run for the superbowl, we got through weekend by weekend, looking forward to those games and during the offseason, looking forward to the football season to come.   It gave us something to focus on that was positive and uplifting.  And the Saints showed us that we could all overcome the adversity brought to us by Katrina.   As for me, I believe.   It doesn't matter to me that you don't, I only ask that you look at the people who call themselves Saints fans  and understand why it matters so much.   The Saints are not just a football team to us and the Who Dat Nation is not just a fan base.  We are a community.  We are survivors.  We are a family.   A family of believers.  Last weekend, the Saints did something that had not happened in the their history.   We won a playoff game on the road and overcame yet another monkey on our back.    So, We believe:  We believe in the hope, healing and goodness that can be brought on by caring about  a little game called football and in a team called the New Orleans Saints.     Can I get a Who Dat and an Amen?

Don't Blink

As I reflect on the last two weeks of celebrating my 50th birthday, which culminated in the completion of a six week fitness boot camp with amazing results along with the best birthday party ever, I find myself blue as the deep ocean.   At first there seemed to be no particular reason that I could  put my finger on other than that after a great week of awesome accomplishments, activities and visits from friends and family, Monday arrived as if on queue to rain on the parade.   I  considered the possibility that turning 50 really is bothering me;  after all it is the age of AARP, discounts and being over the hill; But finally, I realized it is something more like what happens when people are spared in a great tragedy but their neighbors are not.   There is guilt, not rational, but it is there just the same.   I know someone that  won't see their fiftieth birthday and I want to give them lives or extra moves the way I can when I play Candy Crush.   Because it just seems so wrong that they won't be able to line dance the Cupid Shuffle, bust a move to Stevie B or  throw jello shots to friends in the pool who came to the big 5-0 celebration.  

My awesome friend Janine called a couple days after my birthday to give me best wishes.  She  asked me if I had made a resolution on turning 50.   I was puzzled and told her I  really had not thought about it but now I have, because  tomorrow is not guaranteed.  One day the final bell will ring and school will be out forever.    But until it does,  I resolve to smile,  be kind, be positive, and find the silver lining in every cloud and look upon each day as a gift filled with possibilities.  I will cherish every moment and try to be an inspiration to others.  We only get so many trips around the sun.   This girl is going to put on some shades and enjoy the ride..... and I won't blink.  50 years goes faster than you think.....  :-) Peace -  Tracy

Mudpies and Mimosas

I went out for a quick run today and as I rounded the first quarter mile I was overcome by a familiar scent.  It had been well before Katrina the last time I remember it but for a moment it
took me even further back.  As I look up to see the heavily flower-laden mimosa bough hanging over the track,  I flashed back to my backyard the summer we moved into our house, no longer rented but owned by my parents.    I am ten years old again and the sound of my mom's voice fills my ears.    "Go outside and play", she always said.   Coincidentally, it was always  go outside, because she loathed a dirty house but that's another story for another day.   I am sitting under the Mimosa tree, taking in the mild, sweet smell of the pink flowers.  My hands are muddy and I have picked some perfect sized leaves from one of the bushes in our yard.   I have carefully shaped and kneaded the mud into the yummiest looking mud pies anyone has ever laid eyes on.     Next the pies go onto the big leaves and sit in the sun to cook.   While the pies are roasting in the mid-day sun, I am off to the ditch to build a damn with my friends from the neighborhood (Donna, Bert, Marvin, Cindy, Lee and others).  There are some pretty cool things in the ditch and that ditch which seemed like the grand canyon to me then is small now that I am grown, but oh the times we had playing in the ditch and then running through the field to one of our many "forts" and later to grab the football and play a game in the street or shoot baskets at Donna's house.   We didn't go home until dark and if school was out, well after dark.  But, (my sisters and brother will remember this well) when it was time to come in, it was through the garage, dropping all but our undies at the door and straight to the bath.   The scent of Mimosa today, reminds me how simple our lives were then and every now and then what we wouldn't give to go back to that simplicity when the only care in the world was whether the mud-pies overcooked.   My mom hated that tree and eventually it was cut down to make room for a gigantic satellite dish.  I will always remember that tree.   I am not a parent, but if I were, I would try to take time to share these simple things with my children, to teach them different ways to have fun and to use their imagination because in the imagination anything is possible.... and it's just dirt, it will wash off!!   :-) Peace  -T

United We are Strong

I thought, even promised myself that on the fifth anniversary of Katrina, would be the last time I would write about it.   But yesterday, nearly 8 years past Katrina, I really thought I had moved beyond the trauma, but as I watched the events in Moore, OK unfold  and saw the devastation I was reminded that those wounds may never heal. I recognized the shell shocked look in victims faces, the anguish of families awaiting word on missing loved ones and pets, and recalled the uncertainty of what was ahead. Yet while tears ...well up as I read the stories and look at the pictures, I am also reminded, that in these times of great tragedy is also when the human spirit prevails and we discover what the most important things are. As we stand in the absence of our material things, we are once again a community, united by a steadfast faith that we will rise above the event that has brought us to this place where we find our true friends and reset our priorities. It is not about nor has it been about the things we have but the people in our lives that make us whole. I vowed to never forget that lesson after Katrina. And in the wake of this tragedy in Moore, OK and the other towns impacted by devastation, I re-avow to never forget. Let those of us who survived, rebuilt, and prevailed after Katrina, send our thoughts and prayers to the community in OK and reach out to help them the way communities around this country reached out to us and show us why united we will always be stronger than any one of us standing alone.    Peace    TP - 5/21/13

Chasing Rainbows

Yesterday I found myself with a half day off so I made a quick trip to my hometown.  As I was leaving to head home I got stuck behind a string of slower cars.  This forced me to slow down a bit at spot in the road where I would have been speeding up like a horse to the barn at the end of a long trail ride.  I caught myself looking left to a familiar turnoff but it took me a moment to realize why it was so familiar.  Suddenly I was seventeen again.  Summer was in full swing and me, my boyfriend Johnny and our best friend Joey were riding around listening to  music just after a thunderstorm had passed through.   As we looked to the south we saw the most beautiful rainbow.   It spanned the sky and it looked like the end was so close  that we took off to find it,  because well, you know, we just had to see if we could find that pot of gold.  

We turned down the road and wound around until we could see the rainbow dipping down from the sky and into the woods to our right.   The end of it couldn't have been more than a couple hundred feet from the road so we pulled off, climbed the fence and trekked in.   But by the time we reached the spot where the end of the rainbow should have been, we couldn't see it anymore.    We laughed and joked about how the leprechaun that guards the pot of gold had moved it so we couldn't find it.   But of course there isn't a pot of gold.... or is there?   

We may never know really, but something about this memory stirred me.    Achieving our dreams is a lot like chasing rainbows.    We pursue them, make goals to reach them, and sometimes even realize them.  But it is seldom easy and sometimes we get discouraged because we get to the place where we the end of our rainbow should be and it's not there.      And the thing is, just because you don't see the pot of gold doesn't mean that it isn't there.     Along the way, things interact with our journey, veering us off course and sending us to a spot that can be slightly or way off our target.    Timing and circumstance can take us in  different direction and divert us from the pursuit of our dreams, but we shouldn't let that stop us from chasing them, just like at seventeen we didn't let it stop us from looking for that pot of gold.

As we grow older we sometimes become more cynical.   I am reminded that we don't have to be.   The things that inspired us when we were younger are still here every day;   Rainbows, the smell of the rain on a summer' day, morning dew on a spider's web, the sound of the ocean in a conch shell...

I am still in awe every time I see the sunset or look up at the star filled night sky.    I am convinced if I don't lose that awestruck wonder I had as a child, I will never grow old and I will alway be able to keep sight of my dreams.   So, I for one am going to keep chasing rainbows, even when they seem just beyond my grasp.

Peace! 

I have written a lot of poetry in the last 25 years. I was fairly prolific in the 80s and then again in the late 90s and into to 2000 and beyond. Sad to say I lost all my poems I wrote in the 80s. To be able to look at them again would be great, I can even remember some of them sort of , but unfortunately not well enough to reproduce. But then again maybe, they were meant to go the way of the fish with Katrina and never been seen by the world..

The following is a poem I wrote in Novemeber of 2005, just a few months after Katrina. I was living in a motor home waiting for housing and was going a bit mad, to put it lightly. This is a small expression of the place I was at that time. 

Losing It

It creeps in slowly,
almost unnoticed,
wrapping you in numbness.
Then it happens
at once.
The betrayal,
unexpected
bad timing.

The tears come slowly
at first,
then streams like rivers
down your face, your body
wracked in sobs.

You shut tight your eyes
and try to wish it away,
this unwanted visitor of
your
broken mind,
overcome by the gray
film of depression

TLP Nov 2005

Peace :-)

K + 5 - Moving Beyond

Revisiting this post from last year:

It's 8:00 pm on 28 August 2010.    Five years ago today, we were on the road to Perry, FL and only a mere 4 hours into our evacuaton.    We had not yet even made it to Mobile from from Pass Christian  and though, we did eventually make our destination after 13 hours in a caravan of two cars, two trucks, two boats, 6 cats, a dog, and 6 humans and a sea of humanity surrounding us, what I witnessed on the road I can only describe as a cross between the Twilight Zone and Apocalypse Now.

We managed an hour nap before getting up to watch on TV as the storm rolled in,  making landfall at Pass Christian/Bay St. Louis on 29 August 2005.    I can't even begin to describe what I was going through during the drive, later as we watched what we knew deep down was the end of things as we knew them  and how I felt (how all of us felt) when we returned.   It is and was a place I do not want to revisit save for the reunions and it is a place I pray we never have to visit again.  

So, today it is time to  focus on spirit, friendship and renewal.  And, dare I say, it is time to move on, at least for me anyway.

I often wonder where we would be if not for Katrina because I know we all had plans.  Everyone knows what I am talking about.   There are things we expected to do in those coming years and yes, if not for Katrina we might have done them and we might still have our things, our homes, the places we had before.....   But for me,  it is what we wouldn't have had  for which I am most grateful to Katrina.    GRATEFUL????    How can I be grateful when I (we) lost everything?   Oh, there is so much.....

Katrina's destruction was extensive, uninmaginable....  unfathomable if you had not seen it first hand.  There is no picture or film that can truly capture the devastation as seen by the survivors and we are all survivors.   

But.... in that devastation we discovered things.   Not material things though.  Intangibles...

We found a strength within us that we never new existed or most have never had to look for.    

We realized our true friends.   We know who will  be there even  in the darkest of days.

We discovered  an indomitable spirit that is our community, our Gulf Coast.   We came together to rise above an adversity like no other.

We found ourselves...hopefully to never be lost again.

Peace
:-)  T

Tattered Memory - Poetry

Making the big push to finish my poetry book this year.    Here is another completed poem.   35 complete with 15 in the queue to finish and then, magic, a book!!!
Tattered Memory

I am a placeholder...
a bookmark
in the transition of
another's life.
When I am replaced
the page I am on
will be turned.

New stories will
be written
And I will slowly fade
into the past,
like so many other tales
that are read
and forgotten.

Someday,
the book will be opened,
and the faded,
dog-eared page
will invoke a smile
of the memories
written there
and I will be remembered
once again,
a devoted,
true friend.

@copyright, all rights reserved 2010 TLP

R.I.P Randy Brooks (BR)

Sitting here surrounded by strangers on this four hour flight on my return to Mississippi  I  find myself thinking about precious time;

On Thursday I learned of the death of a former classmate and friend, Randy Brooks, affectionately know as BR to all of us rockheads from the geology department at USM.   As a freshman in my first semester, I found myself at a party held at the house where BR and Pettway lived. With braces and pigtails (yes, really) I walked into the kitchen where BR was blending strawberry daquiris.   Before he handed me one, he looked at me in all seriousness but with a wry little smile and asked if he could see my driver's license.   From there out for the rest of my college career and still among friends from the program, I was and am known as driver's license (DL), thanks to BR.   BR was an amazing soul with a heart of gold who would give you the shirt off his back if you needed it.    He was hilariously funny and always smiling with a contagiousness that no matter your mood, you couldn't help but be happy.

Although it has been years since I have seen him, the news of his death hit me hard.  Harder than I would have expected.   I suppose because we are all getting older and the chance of losing a friend grows every day.  Now, as I confront my own mortality,  I am reminded that life is short and tomorrow is not guaranteed. It is my hope that we will all strive to live a life that matters, live each day to its fullest and hope that along the way we make a difference in someone's life the way BR made a difference in all of ours.  Godspeed BR, you will be missed.

To the people in my life who are making a difference in mine, know that you are loved and always in my thoughts.
Peace, T

Mind Games

She stood inside the doorway

staring at the empty street,

Wondering if she had the strength

to leave and not get weak.

She was broken, bruised and battered,

but she could not give control

to one who claimed to love her

but didn't see she mattered.

She'd waited far too long

to take this final step

on her long journey to freedom

from the secrets that were kept.

©Tracy Patman 2010

Back in the Saddle

So yeah... It's been 6 months since I wrote anything here! It's not that I haven't had anything to say, it's just I have been immersed in a project that has my brain locked down. It has completely zapped the creativity out of me! I am hoping coming back here and writing a few words will bring me back to the center and help me find some balance.

So here is a snippet of poetry that I have not yet finished. I am publishing a book this year if I ever get off my butt and finish all these snippets. :-)

No Time for Apologies

It's too late to apologize
for words spoken in anger
the wheels have begun to turn
the past can't be undone

Life comes at you fast
and sometimes you must,
take a leap of faith
and hold on for all your worth

It may not always take you
to the place you want to be
but with patience it will get you
what you need today

copyright 2009 TLP

Climbing the Right Mountain

I am always moving, always doing, always, always....There are many mountains in this world that we have opportunities to climb. In the pursuit of our dreams we strive to reach the top of our chosen mountain. Sometimes we find ourselves on plateaus or in valleys and seemingly no way to move forward or go up. But think about it...... There is a purpose to the temporary slow downs on our climb to the top. It is in these moments that significant events are going on and if we speed to the top, we will never experience these events. There are people in our lives that we need to know, and if we go to fast to our goals, those moments with the people we love the most, will be lost forever. Also, in the experience of being in the plateaus or valleys smelling the flowers and enjoying moments with the people we love, we may determine there is a different peak we were meant to climb. The slowdown is not always failure but oppurtunity to turn a different way, and maybe, just maybe, the right way. Peace

6 A.M.

it's 6am
the alarm is blaring
and I must wake
from dreaming
of a beautiful man
with six-pack abs
cuz the kids are screaming.

And I drag myself
from the warmth
of the cover
extracting myself
from the arms
of my lover.

And I find
the house empty.

Where are the kids,
I thought I heard
screaming.
And where is the lover,
that was under
the cover.

It's 6am
the alarm is blaring
and I must wake up
because I find
I am staring
into a dream
of what
should have been.

Copyright 2008 Tracy Patman -

The Daily Grind - And I Don't Mean Coffee!!!

I'm inside a box,
bound with twine.
It helps neither to pray
nor to whine.
My captors torment me
with tasks so mundane,
I can't think in color
or play in the rain.
Creativity is frowned on,
punished sometimes.
and it's even a struggle
to come up with this rhyme.
I beg for release
though I doubt it will come.
So my only solace
comes from my mind,
where I dream of white beaches
and a place to hide,
from the every day stress
that is this grind.

copyright 2007 - TLP

Going the Extra Mile

Two-wayness is essential to good relationships. What is two-wayness?? You know that old adage that relationships are (or should be) a two-way street. I believe in theory that this is true. However, in reality, it seldom is.... I mean come on - do you know anyone in any relationship that has any ounce of equality? But, still life is about making compromises and two-wayness is essential - at least the attempt at two-wayness should be there else there is a tendency for one person to make all the extra effort. I call it going the extra mile. I have a problem with it. It's not making an effort that is an issue with me, rather, but making too much of an effort. Things can get lopsided in a hurry and people can and sometimes do take it for granted that I will always go the extra mile. Sometimes I drive those miles on a one-way street. Sometimes I want to stop driving all together and wait for the other cars to catch up or for them to come from the other direction and meet me half-way. BUT!!! Oh and this is a big but.....Even when the other car doesn't come, I keep on driving and go that extra mile. BECAUSE - these are people I love and it's the right thing to do. Otherwise, I am afraid I may find myself on the highway to hell only to discover it is a dead end street with no hope of making a U-turn!

So, kudos for the extra-milers out there. And for people who are lucky enough to have extra-milers in your life, take a moment to thank them for all that they do for you. Without them, you might find yourself on the same highway, going in the wrong direction with no hope of that U-turn.

Peace!

K + 2

Odd name for a blog post I guess, until you know what it means. K = Katrina 2 = two years post Katrina. Some of you may be wondering why it matters to you. It matters to you because it matters to me. It may have been easy to put it out of your mind not long after it happened if you didn't live here, or if you didn't have a chance to see it for yourself. It is difficult for many to fathom the utter devastation that we are still reminded of each day. Pictures never did it justice. Only walking amongst the debris and destruction put it into perspective. A generation will remember where they were when Katrina hit, just as many benchmark their life on where they were when we landed on the moon or when the towers in New York City fell.

But on this day, two years past Katrina, I am thankful. Because although I lost everything (material that is), I gained so much. Many of us regained our humanity, our faith and our sense of direction even as we wandered lost for many months. It was in the devastation of Katrina that we rediscovered the most important things we have. People; the love and loyalty of family and friends and a sense of community that will be forever within us.

My wish for all of you, is that you know already or will learn these things without having to undergo such trauma. Unfortunately, it often takes an event the magnitude of Katrina before we wake up and get back on the path where our compass points to our own north star..... the path that in your gut you have always been able to feel but not quite been able to put your feet on.

It is an awesome feeling to have my heart and my head going down the same path and not even needing sturdy shoes to walk on it.

Peace! Tracy

Poetry from my Insane Brain!!!

For your reading pleasure or displeasure :-) I present one of my "don't know where it comes from" poems..... Don't analyze it.

Copyright 2006 Tracy L Patman

Nightmare

On the edge of sanity,
I walk a narrow line.
Is this really happening
or is it in my mind?
It just keeps racing blindly,
to where I do not know,
little pills wash down my throat,
in hopes that it will slow.

Down the darkened tunnel
I wander aimlessly
Paths in all directions
Which one could it be
I reach out in desperation
but find a padded wall
I struggle with a handle,
Am i free at all?

I drift from all the visions,
and imagine better times
I battle with a demon,
then an angel comes in sight.
She gently moves the pillow
that crowded round my face,
I see the sun is rising
and I am free from the race.

Question 4: What is your moral code in relation to right and wrong?

I know what you are all thinking. It's about freaking time that I got on with the questions! Well I have been busy trying to decide just what my moral code is... What is morality and who defines that for us? I believe that most people intuitively know what is right and what is wrong. For most it is innate. Is that possible? Am I implying that we are born with either good or evil in our blood? That should be one of the ten eternal questions.... BUT, for now, we will stick with this one. My moral code as it relates to right and wrong is simple. In general, I believe that if what I do does no harm to anyone else or thing, then it's okay in my book. There, you have it. My philosophy. Does this hurt you in any way???

Question 3. Do you accept the concept of Karma, or the sense of cause and effect?

From a definition on Wikipedia, Karma is a sum of all that an individual has done, is currently doing and will do. The results or "fruits" of actions are called karma-phala. Karma is not about retribution, vengeance, punishment or reward, karma simply deals with what is. The effects of all deeds actively create past, present and future experiences, thus making one responsible for one's own life, and the pain and joy it brings to others.

I firmly believe that our deeds, good or bad, will result in an effect on our life in the future. This effect will be positive or negative based on our actions. I believe that if you do harm to others, physically or emotionally, it will come back to you. I believe that you reap what you sow. Sometimes, when we are being wronged or have been wronged, we may have the urge to seek vengeance or to pay back that wrong. But, I believe life pays back so we don't have to because as they say, "what goes around comes around".

Your thoughts?